Earned?

I'm back and all excited to play with you again! :)

Has it ever happened to you that people would praise your dedication, kindness, generosity... and you would feel that you don't deserve all that praise?
In all that excessive attention you'd step back in fear that the people who came towards you, would see your weaknesses and you would be caught in the 'lie' - in the fact that you are not perfect.

This is how it is with me at the moment. In all this excitement over my art works and my personality, there is a deep voice within that says (it screams actually!!): 'I'm not worth it, I don't deserve this!'

Although I like the attention and warmth that I get, I wonder: am I really worth it? Am I good enough, am I enough...? Wouldn't I've done it better and more, more, more?
The thinking that I'm not perfect blocks me from letting it go, to enjoy the fruits I've earned, to be Me with all my positive and negative abilities.
I'm scared that someone would get so close to me to see all my strengths and weaknesses, negativitness. My fear is that someone would find my weakness and take advantage of it and hurt me. I'm scared that all the excitement over me would turn into stoning. Fear...

Why don't we let out the praise and enthusiasm? Why don't we show US to all the people who want to get close to us? Why don't we say that we deserve this? Wouldn't we be free, without fear, without limitations, without worries?

When I think of the people I love, I know that they are not perfect and I know I like them the way they are. They deserve my attention, they deserve love, they deserve my enthusiasm! Because of their weaknesses they are very special, unique, lovely. That's why they are close to me...


(my works at the Christmas fair in Zagreb)

Therefore, today I thank all those who see our mistakes and weaknesses, but they still like us the way we are. They forgive, overlook and do not exploit our weaknesses to manipulate with us. I thank all those who know that we are not perfect and who believe that we still deserve their attention and praise. Thanks!

Question No.7:
What is your weakness that limits you from allowing yourself to recognize that you deserve attention and are loved by the others?

PS 1:
some of my blog followers have a feeling that my criticisms or comments are some kind of superior thinking for those who are 'below' me. I would like to emphasize that I don't have a need to be something more and I don't expect that you follow my instructions without previously verifying that this fits your personality. For me, the purpose of my blog is to widen the horizons, to look at the world from different perspectives, to self-analize and simply enjoy the creative process... Things I write, esp. the more professional ones, are the fruit of my own surveys and cases and the needs I see around me, - are written so that they would serve as an extra little help for people who want their life to be easier and lighter (of course, I first check everything in practice, before I write them down). Several paths lead to the end, the goal, some paths are easier than the others - each person chooses the path that suits him/her the most...
If, for example, I write, how to properly hold a pen, I am writing this because it is proved that that's the best way for the muscles and joints of our hands and fingers, whereas the muscles are not shrunken, where writing is the fastest (and readable), etc... If you write differently, if you have a messy writing or not, if you're holding a pen your own way... - that's all up to you. I don't blame you, I don't hold my head in dispear, I don't point a finger to you. We all bear the consequences of our actions alone, so I have no right and no need to look for your weaknesses and point to them. So please, please, please, do not feel threatened if I write about something sometimes that it hurts. (Many times it hurts me too). I've heard a lot of sad children's and adult's stories, I've seen lots of pain, so I know that I want to help wherever is possible. I know that I do not have the time to look for other people's weaknesses, I know that I am far from having all the knowledge and skills of the World... but I know that with my blog I'm trying to spread the support, love and understanding, as I think there's never enough of them.
If you want to talk to me personally, you can write me an e-mail. I will not use your words and thoughts on my blog or otherwise (unless you want it). Trust and safety are the key to a good relationship between us. Icare about you and am thankful for all the followers of my blog.

PS 2:
I had a good time at the Christmas fair in Zagreb (Croatia)! I'll write about it later, for now I just want to tell you that I've met a few of the Croatian bloggers in person and am so excited because we feel much closer now! Happy! :)

Posted on December 21, 2010 and filed under 0:: creative together, creative process, misc.